Ever seen the Drew Barrymore movie Never Been Kissed? They based it off of my life story.
Ok, not really, but the movie’s protagonist and I share one missed milestone that most people our age reached a good decade ago.
I’ve never had my first kiss.
It was by choice in my younger years. When I was little, I used to subscribe and/or buy Teen People and American Girl Magazine. Within their easily ripped pages, countless girls would recount these memoir worthy stories of their first kisses, and I ate up every single detail. I wanted to be those girls; I wanted a story just as detailed and exciting as theirs.
Turns out, I’m an awful writer when it comes to my own life’s crummy narrative.
If my life was a novel, this chapter should have occurred so much sooner in this narrative. Puberty wise, I’m on par with my peers. Socially, I seem to be stuck in pre-pubescent, kiss-less hell. My glossed lips remain glossed. This kiss-less existent leads to the lack of another extremely important and embarrassing milestone that I’ve yet to reach in my twenty-six years of existence.
No first kiss also means my relationship number is a sad and lonely zero. I’ve never been in anything close to a real relationship with a real human male. Fictional relationships, I’ve had several. I just wish you could hug a dream, but you can’t.
One truly is the loneliest of numbers.
Why do these romantic milestones keep missing me? Well, to modify the old cliche, its both me and its you (others).
Its hard to say if I have any qualities worthy of another’s affection. I don’t think I’m an absolutely horrid and hideous human being. I’m of moderate appearance, and I try to be a good person. I’m intelligent.I’m ok, but I’m nothing special, just average. Nothing worth noticing.
Then, there’s everyone else.
Maybe it’s also because of me that I find unforgivable flaws in potential paramours. I shouldn’t have the highest of standards when I myself am not of the greatest of quality. I’ve done the Match.com thing, and no one seems to be the right balance of normal and weird. I’m too weird for the normals and too normal to the weirds. There also seems to be a lack of intelligence in the dating pool. Sure, there are plenty of smart guys out there, but intelligence and the ability of have a beyond small talk conversation just aren’t qualities that are all that present today. No one just seems worth a romantic closer look.
Basically to summarize, I’m the latest of the late bloomers, and I’m ready to have my own magazine worthy romance, though my writing skills have improved enough to make it more of a memoir worth moment.
Maybe, I’ll actually get to write that chapter someday.
The musical group The Supremes once sang, “You can’t hurry love. No, you just have to wait.”
Well, my pen is ready to write, and I don’t want to keep waiting.”