I Remember, but Sometimes, I Wish I Didn’t

“Thank’s for the memories even though they weren’t so great,” Panic at the Disco croons in their most memorable hit “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.”

Oh the memories. Sometimes are wonderful reminders of former joys and laughter gone by. Others are horrid mental scars that remind us of wrongdoings we’ve done to others and those that have been done to us as well as any negative detail, large or small, of the past.

Memories are memories, and they serve one true purpose.

Good or bad, memories remind us. It’s that simple. They’re the recordings of the past that reside in every corner of our minds. They may serve as warnings to avoid circumstances that caused harm in the past. They can be recalled, if they can be accurately remembered, in times of darkness or sadness to be a brief beacon of light to motivate us to keep going when we can’t summon the strength to keep going.

Memories can help us, teach us, or hurt us.

Some people even try and take those memories and repackage them in the form of reboots, remakes, retellings. The”Re-” in each of those words indicates one particular meaning.

It means again. The beginning of each of these words basically means that which has already happened, and there are those who do not care if its something that has already been experienced; they will dig up the past if only to exploit it for their own gain.

A memory for a million.

It seems like the entertainment world is constantly trying to reignite and remind us of the good old days.

Take films like the new Beauty and the Beast and Power Rangers. These movies are remakes/reboots of some of the greatest ’90’s. Sure, part of this rewind re-do is to introduce these classics to a brand new audience, but it’s also a way for the entertainment industry to tug a heart strings of those who have the fondest memories of the originals. While Power Rangers has yet to premiere, as of this post, Beauty and the Beast has waltzed its way back onto our screens. While the tale is indeed as old as time, my memories of the ’90s cartoon definitely hindered me from full enjoying the remake as it modified particular moments that were cemented in my memory a certain way.

Was this a memory that I wanted to remember? At least, I chose to re-remember this Disney classic. Sometimes, we don’t get the choice.

It’s one thing if we see something we might remember or choose to re-remember. It’s worse when you don’t want to remember, but your memory doesn’t care about your reluctance.

I don’t know if anyone else out there experiences the random awkward memory attacks, but let me tell you, they are the worst. I will be lying in my bed perfectly relaxed as I start to drift off into dream land when, for some horrible reason, I will recall an awkward memory of my youthful awkwardness from middle school and lament about every detail from the dialogue spoken to the most mundane crack in a tile on the floor. I don’t even know why this happens. Even a whiff of a hint of a detail of a painful or embarrassing memory can trigger an onslaught of unhappy memories that repeats like your least favorite movie on a loop until you pass out from mental exhaustion.

However, when I want to remember every detail, the memory erodes quickly with every passing second. Recalling memories when you need to, like when you’re trying to compose a memoir, is not always all that easy. Writing a memoir, as the word may suggest, requires the reader to tap into particular details of the past to compose a compelling story with all the bells and whistles of a great work of fiction while still maintain authenticity and honesty.

Memory is a weird thing. It’s good. It’s bad. It’s useful. It’s useless. It is.

What else do I need to say?

I don’t remember


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