Today, I’m not happy. Today, I’m not sad. Today, I’m not
This is the worst, when I’m not really feeling anything because it causes me to become really disinterested in just about anything I do or even think about trying to do.
When you’re an artist of any kind, this can be quite dangerous. Boredom is the death of any potential creativity.
I like to think of myself as a creative type. I seek out creative activities, things that allow me to dream and make whatever I could potentially dream up, and I would love to eventually move towards a more creative career path in the future.
Emotion fuels me. Whether I’m happy or sad, so long as I’m feeling, I’m moving. When my mind has an emotion to base its inner workings on, I’m able to function. Creativity takes every inch of my emotional spectrum to execute into something constructive and concrete.
When I feel emotionally charged in a positive or negative way, my brain and body just function better. Words flow and twist around into a multitude of works of art that I can actually say I’m proud to have written. I am empowered, even by darker moments and emotions, when I feel more or less than average. Emotion gives me strength more than anything.
More importantly, emotion inspires me, especially when it comes to composing any sort of writing, in a multitude of different ways.
Any type of fiction writing I am inspired to write is fueled by my highs. For some reason, creating false realities and stories is so easy when I’m channeling joy. I tap into the excited energy, and worlds are made from my finger tips.
I haven’t written a lot of fiction of late as I haven’t seen the happy in a while, but writing will still happen, just in a different way.
Poetry has always found its wellspring of inspiration in my lowest moments. Depression tends to take its voice in poetic verse. Going through puberty, I’d often find myself in an emotional pit of despair. At first, I didn’t know what to do with all of the heavy emotions weighing me down. Then, I started to learn how I could build a ladder by arranging my dark thoughts into words and phrases to get me out of my emotional pit.
My highs and lows give me my sources for my motivation and inspiration.
Then, there are the gray/grey (not sure how everyone out there spells it) days. Days where you’re not warmed from the inside out by the sun. Days where the rain doesn’t make everything glisten like a sadly beautiful oil painting. Days where you don’t really much of anything.
These are the days that scare me the most because I feel mostly dead.
Sometimes, this world just bores me. I struggle to find motivation or passion for anything other than sitting around watch mindless television, and even then, I’m half on my phone and scrolling mindlessly through Facebook.
I feel nothing, so I do nothing.
The girl who can’t be moved.