Liking Me.

You like me. You really like me?

…or do you? Do you really like me at all?

Better question, do I like me?

Honestly, I don’t know.  I try to be a good person, a person worthy of being liked by my peers and strangers, but that doesn’t really answer my question. It more addresses how others receive me.

Basically, I just want other people to like me.

I want people to hold me in the best esteem, but what about my own self-esteem? How does this factor into the me liking me/others liking me question/debate? What is more important? Do we strive to mostly like ourselves first, or do we push towards the acceptance of others?

On the surface, we tell people to focus on liking the internal self.

Some will try to argue that you must first like yourself, that Society, in an effort to prevent low moods or not to hurt feelings, seems to be forever in an effort to boost our self-esteem and perception of self-worth. It is the most noble of efforts to motivate people to focus on the beauty and worth within.

I just wish that was how the world actually is.

Because with all of this promotion of loving thyself, a desire to be liked still lingers instinctually inside us. Our self-esteem is still twisted up with the need to earn the esteem of everyone who isn’t us. Whether we should or shouldn’t, we want other people to like us. Unless you are a complete social hermit who abhors even being in the vacinity of another human being, there is at least one person you want to accept you in a favorable light.

You want someone to want you.

We, as human beings, almost all crave validation from those around us. Unless you have the confidence of a god, a part of you needs to be liked by other people. Honestly, I’m no different than any other person It’s really hard for me not to act and react in accordance to the possible esteem of those around me. You take inventory of their perception of whatever persona you choose for others to see you as and hope that that is what will cause them to like you, but there is one thing you and/or may have neglected in our pursuit of social acceptance.

Do you/I like you/me?

The problem I’m having now with all of this working towards others liking me is that I don’t know if I’ve worked hard enough to be a person I like. Sure, I try to be a decent human being when interacting with others, but I’ve neglected greatly on liking myself.

The thing is, I know I’m not a bad person, but I’ve never been able to really like myself. I’ve actually been quite cruel to myself, believing myself to be a person undeserving of  affection. I’ve put myself in the position to be hurt by others or worse, I’ve been the victim of my own cruelty in the most grievous me. I’ve struggled so often with being kind to me and liking me.

Then again, can I actually like myself if I haven’t the faintest idea of who I am?

I have absolutely no clue who I am. My identity is still a bit foggy, so I’m trying different things to try and craft myself into a person I’d be proud of. Maybe that’s the real point of identity and the search for it.

I want to be worthy of me.

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