Dear Me; Love Me

Dear Me,

Hi, Friend. I know you don’t hear that greeting very often so I’ll offer it up to you(me) so you feel like someone is happy to see you(me). Now, you seem to be in a dire need of a pep talk right about now, and since there doesn’t seem to be anyone around to give it to you right now. It looks life isn’t too great for you.

I don’t need to ask you how you are because I am you. You aren’t doing too well, are you?

Right now, you feel like you want to cry, that your world’s going to end because it’s seemingly stopped turning. Everything is starting to feel harder to get through, and you are struggling. You’re stuck in the worst rut of your life, and you want to throw in the towel.

What’s the point?

I’ll be honest with you. Life isn’t great right now, I know. I know because I am you. You’re nowhere near where you want to be professionally, romantically, or just in your personal existence.

Directionally, you don’t have any sort of clue where you want to go other than out. There aren’t really two roads diverged; there aren’t really any visible roads at all. Both your degrees are in English, but do you want to work as a write or in publishing? Do you want to stay the course of your current professional career and see where that road can take you? You don’t have a clue, do you?

To add to this problem, you’re damn lonely too.

I don’t think there’s a single person you can call right now and vent to over the phone or online. You sort of did this to yourself. You’ve burnt a lot of bridges you could be crossing right now. People who would hold you up aren’t there because you let go. Still, know that it’s not entirely your fault. When you do try, sometimes it’s the others who choose to walk away without warning. You don’t know why they’re no longer in your life, but they’re nowhere to be found. What did you do? Who knows?

Maybe it’s just who you are.

You want to do better in all of these areas, but this dark cloud hanging over your head just won’t dissipate. You’re depressed. You’d love to fix all of the problems in your life, but you can’t seem to find the emotional strength to keep going forward. You don’t even know why you’re upset in the first place; you’re just not happy, and it is an awful feeling. It’s incredibly difficult to see a point in trying to keep going. Everything in you is telling you to just give up.

Everything just feels hopeless. You feel stuck without any sort of a lifeline to pull you out. Nothing seems like it’s worth trying for anymore.

Why not just give up, then?

We’ve been here before, love.  Remember when you failed that science class when you were a freshman in college? You thought your future was over with that F, but you still graduated with decent GPA and went on to earn your Master’s degree. These clouds always come back to darken your day, but the skies do clear once and a while. Try to capture the brief sunshine when you can. Sometimes, the life’s little umbrellas will keep us dry for just a moment, and that can be enough to get us though the day.

Take it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, and soon you’ll see yourself out of this low spell.

Just try not to given in to that weighted darkness you’re feeling inside yourself right now. We’ll get there someday.

Trying to love you unconditionally always,

Me.

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