Guilty as Charged

gavel

I plea guilty, your honor.

Wait, I’m not even on trial for any of this? Then, why do I feel like I need to confess?

Oh, guilt.

Guilt is basically our conscience’s way of nagging us until we apologize and atone for the mistakes and cruelties we have inflicted in our lives.  Guilt is proof of the existence of morality. It’s our reminder that we did a bad thing, and we need to fix it. Depending on your personality and how strong of a memory you may have, guilt is something can be absolutely overwhelming for your life or a brief passing moment that does not cause a huge impact on your life.

Me? I have a pretty good memory, so I often experience moments of  guilt long since past.

Shunning a fellow classmate with my other friends on the playground when I was six? Twenty years later, I still remember this person’s name and feel bad for treating them poorly. Argument with a college friend over something trivial? I still shed a few tears over what was said. Easily fixable mistake at work? I still get a little nervous when I have to perform that task. Guilt for me, even if the situation is long gone, still sits with me and chips away at me. I feel bad at about the things I have done and will constantly remind myself I did something wrong no matter how far in the past the situation is.

I’m also someone who feels guilty for things I had little to no part in.

Guilt is the reminder that we need to apologize, but sometimes people refuse to take the blame for what they did wrong. Maybe, they don’t have a big conscience or a good memory. Maybe, they just don’t think they did anything wrong and have nothing to make up for. In whatever case it may be, it can be incredibly frustrating when no one answers for the guilt from a negative action. Someone needs to apologize and make things right. When they don’t, everything feels like it is left utterly unresolved.

If no one stands up to take blame, I guess I have to absorb the guilt.

I don’t exactly understand why I try to take on the problems of others as my own or feel the need to take the blame for bad things that happen in the world even when I did nothing wrong. The fault is there, but if no one wants to own it, I willingly claim it for my own in order to resolve the situation. I feel bad if no one wants to admit they are the guilty party in any given situation.

The negativity of whatever is going on needs to dissipate, so if no one else will stand up to take responsibility, then I will.

I think I just don’t like conflict. When someone does something negative or if something goes wrong, it upsets the peace of the world.  Maybe, I’m a little hyper sensitive to emotion, but it just doesn’t sit well with me when there is that much negativity in the world. So, to eliminate the negativity, I claim the guilt to hopefully resolve the bad emotions.

Guilty as (not) charged.

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