Stronger Than I Look

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In William Shakespeare’s romantic comedy A Midsummer Night’s Dream, there is a quote that one of the female leads hurls at another that goes, “Find though she be but little, she is fierce.”

Somedays I feel incredibly weak.

I’m a scrawny, quiet thing. I’m an introvert with some social anxiety who gets a little too sad from time to time. It can be quite difficult for me to push forward and exert any sort of confidence when I don’t feel like I can hold myself up in my day to day life. There are days I come home from work, curl up in bed, and just cry for not being able to fully hold up the weight of the day. I break down when I let too much of life stresses build up on me.

I break down more than I would like or more than I should as an adult of twenty-six years old.

These aren’t public breakdowns in the middle of the work day or out doing various activities. No, my social anxiety prevents anything that would put me anywhere near the spotlight. These are the breakdowns that happen when you can escape outside the office walls, to the bathroom, just walking around down, or running to your car in the parking lot to cry over the stresses of the current work day and anything else your brain decides should bother you at the present moment. These are the breakdowns that cause you to crawl into bed as soon as you walk through your door at the end of the day and end of crying yourself to sleep.

I break down quite a bit like this, but then I build right back up and realize I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever though I could be.

I never feel like I’m enough.  Mistakes should be life’s lessons, but they can sometimes feel like reminders that I’m not nearly as perfect as I’d like to believe I should be. I strive to given one-hundred percent in everything I do, but sometimes that still seems to come up short.  If I don’t succeed absolutely, I feel like I have failed.

My life isn’t anywhere perfect; no one’s is. Then again, despite all of our overwhelming flaws, we are more. I am more.

Looking at me or interacting with me, I don’t seem like much. No body takes notice of the skinny, awkward, and quiet girl in the corner, but maybe they should. Just because I seem a certain way, doesn’t mean I am as weak as I appear.

I am stronger than I look, and I never give up trying.

Quitting has never been a word in my vocabulary. I see things through to their completion whether they bring me joy or sorrow. Each and every day I wake up, I don’t know if I’m going to wake up happy, sad, anxious, or relaxed when my feet hit my bedroom carpet. Whatever mood I am in, I still get up and out of bed. I fight to keep going no matter what.

…and if that isn’t strong, I don’t know what is.

 

 

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